I did something significant yesterday. Well the thing is, it really seems very INsignificant. And I suppose in the grand scheme of things, it of course IS insignificant. But shush, I’m being all deep.
So throughout my life, I have events — even just tiny little random memories — that are tied to objects for me. Obviously this isn’t just the case for me, I’m assuming you all can relate here. So you know that as life goes on, more and more objects have memories tied to them. That toy cat that my friend gave to me as a thank-you gift after I attempted to teach them guitar. That CD that I listened to while playing with that toy, with my childhood friend who moved away years ago. More emotionally significant memories, like that love letter my first love wrote to me, or that art set I received from my grandfather who has now passed away. It’s not just objects, either — that bay where my best friend and I kayaked and lay in the sun-warmed water for hours. That forest where my friends and I would hike every weekend.
As life goes on, more and more things have a person tied to them by memory. Less and less things are meaningless, less things exist in my life that don’t remind me of someone, sometime. This is, of course, not a bad thing. I cherish memories of my friends and family and past loves, even if they’re painful at certain points in life. But I also cherish the things I have that are not tied to anyone. The things that exist in a sort of vacuum, that don’t make me think of anyone at all. Things that will never be painful for me to find tucked in the bottom of the drawer, because they will never be tied to anyone who I loved or lost. They’re things in my life that are completely and utterly my own.
So when I willingly and knowingly give up one of those things, allow them to be taken out of that emotional vacuum, it is a significant act because of what it symbolizes. And despite it being such a tiny, trivial thing in the long run, it makes me feel strangely vulnerable. Willingly allowing my vacuum-sealed, memory-free, untouched-by-time item to become linked to someone. To give it the potential to bring back painful memories in the future, or to make me feel nostalgic and oh-so-different, my-how-things-have-changed. To share with something else even a tiny little thing that was for so long completely, entirely my own. I guess it displays my trust in that person, my faith that whatever memories become linked to that item will be worth it. That they are such a significant person to me that even a memory that might be painful someday is still a memory I will cherish.
No, there wasn’t really any specific point to this post. I was just making use of my blog to spew my random thoughts :D I just find things in life like this to be very interesting. Do you have any objects or places that you cherish specifically because they are not linked to anyone at all? Do you cherish them because they represent a part of yourself and your life that will always be entirely yours?
(a load of) hot air 